1. Listening to "driving home for Christmas" while stuck on the M1 on Christmas Eve, the feeling of impending doom spreading as the destination nears.
2. Santa hats, reindeer antler head gear.
3. Excessive consumption of lager beer by people over the age of 65, who think they are funnier than Peter Kay. And then drive home.
4. Slade.
5. An entire day locked indoors with no opportunity for escape. Can't breathe...
6. Over zealous gift swapping and resultant acting when said gift is not quite what one would have chosen.
7. Tinsel.
8. Those who try to pass off Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes as the real thing.
9. Individual demonstrations by over excited children of toys brought by Santa.
10. Christmas cracker jokes. Just crackers actually. Why?
11. Mince pies, Christmas pudding, Christmas cake, brandy snaps. Is there a traditional pudding that doesn't make you feel like a brick has just hit your insides?
12. Eastenders.
So lets all sing: On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 12 crappy soaps, 11 heavy puds, 10 cracker jokes, 9 kiddies toys, 8 rubbish roasts, 7 tacky decs, 6 unwanted gifts, 5 hours to go …, 4 Christmas flops, 3 drunk olds, 2 silly hats and a lifetime on the M1.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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