1. Automated messaging systems that take you through the options, none of which apply to you. And then cut you off.
2. Holding music. What was I calling about again…?
3. An interlude in the holding music to be told I am 29th in line.
4. And then, when you do get through, when you eventually get through to a real live human being with a pulse and everything … oh the excitement … they are unintelligible.
5. Scripts. Why not email it to me and I will follow my part, help make it easy for you.
6. Being asked to put my complaint in writing. Why have a helpline, then?
7. Being asked for a password I set some time before the war.
8. Lies. You know you are in Mumbai. I know you are in Mumbai. So, Stephen, please don't pretend you support Tranmere Rovers.
9. Policy. It's not my policy to be nice. Let's compromise, shall we?
10. Being denied a sensible solution and then hearing, "is there anything else I can do for you this afternoon?" Resign?
11. Speaking to the manager and finding out he is younger than your oldest pair of tights.
12. "We will call you back". Of course you will...
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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