1. Those who insist on shouting "can you move down please" while shoving themselves onto an already packed train, thereby pushing me into a spot bereft of poles, forcing me to swing from the overhead rail.
2. Friday night drunks, passed out, who intially look harmless but take me by surprise by suddenly lurching forward and vomiting onto my shoes.
3. Greasy poles, stained seat covers, rodents, errant one legged pigeons hitching a lift, dirty chips hanging out of their beaks. Any other visual reminder that the tube is riddled with disease.
4. Those who fall asleep and start to drool on your shoulder and require peeling off and propping up when you reach your stop. Get a chaperone.
5. Unintelligable announcements made by employees for whom English is a second language.
6. Tube minutes - 1 tube minute appears to equal approximately 4 standard minutes of real time.
7.Smoochers. Get a room. Please.
8. Football hooligans singing filthy songs and waving scarves at one another. Surely you should all be on the line to Milwall.
9. Fellow passengers who insist on talking to co travellers in unnecessrily raised voices, frequently interspersed with the widely used London term "innit".
10. Tourists who have no clue of tube/escalator etiquette. Get out of my way.
11. Ipods which force me to listen to "music" played loudly enough to constitute a concert.
12. W_nkers. Literally.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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