1. Joining the end of a very long queue and being unable to read the extensive menu written in a font reserved for bibles. Progressing slowly up said queue until I reach the front where, unable to read the menu with sufficient speed, I order the first thing I can see. Which bears little resemblance to what I actually want.
2. Use of Americanisms such as "regular" to describe a medium sized cup of coffee and "tall" to describe a large sized cup of coffee. Is it now politically incorrect to call a medium sized cup "medium"? Am I about to be arrested by the coffee cup police for prejudice?
3. Ever increasingly ridiculous names for a cup of coffee. Cappuccino, latte, mocca, moccaccino, babyccino. Whatever happened to normal coffee, black or white, with sugar or no sugar? Simple as.
4. Receiving my skinny latte with a double shot and cinamon twist in a paper cup which, absent cardboard sleeve, removes the outer dermis from my fingers, causing me to lose my grip and drop said paper cup all over the counter. And then order another.
5. Warning signs that the cup contains hot liquid. Really? I'm stunned. See 4 above.
6. Insufficient room for adding milk, which leads me to fill the cup to the brim and then attempt to put the plastic lid back on, thereby spilling scalding hot liquid (that, to be fair, I had been warned about - see 4 and 5 above - onto my hand.
7. Frappuccino. Coffee is meant to be drunk hot. End of.
8. Overpriced Italian coffee biscuits that wink at me from the counter as I pay for my, already overpriced, coffee.
9. Attempting to suck my overpriced coffee through the hole in the lid, thereby spilling the contents down my suit.
10. Listening to other people attempting to suck overpriced coffee through the hole in the lid, prior to them spilling the contents over themselves.
11. Caffeine jitters after finishing a "tall" skinny latte with a double shot and cinamon twist. Is there really any need to make them quite so strong?
12. The need to visit the very same coffee shop while abroad. I know I shouldn't but...
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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