1. Having to sit down to do up ones shoes. And then finding that they are on the wrong feet.
2. The first time you are referred to on the continent as Madame instead of Mademoiselle. Can you see a wedding ring???
3. Wrinkles that show the world how you slept last night and don't seem to want to disappear upon application of moisturiser you had to go on a waiting list and re-mortgage your house for.
4. Mortgage companies who refuse to lend you money for more than 15 years even though, according to the coalition, you will be wording for another 25.
5. Obsessive weighing and sinking heart when it is confirmed that you put on 2lb after eating one chip. The subsequent refusal of fat to shift, even after starving oneself for several hours.
6. Heartburn after eating anything remotely nice. The need to carry Gaviscon in your handbag.
7. Being unable to operate a computer without assistance from your 7 year old niece.
8. Forgetting where you put your car keys, just like your mum does. Leaving your house keys in the front door. Overnight.
9. Wicked grey hair that doubles the cost of your hairdressing bills and has a texture that increases your resemblance to Wurzel Gummidge day by day.
10. A growing preference for sensible shoes and similar evidence of your sudden and unashamed need to put comfort over style.
11. Consistently looking forward to going to bed at 10pm and the feeling of disappointment if a night out prevents you from achieving that.
12. Taking a sudden interest in bedding plants, bird feeders and other garden paraphernalia. Happily adding "weed the garden" to the weekend to do list.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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