1. Complete lack of awareness of when a friendly text exchange morphs into e-flirting. Until it's too late and you find yourself trying to dream up a witty response to "well why don't you take your knickers off then."
2. Never knowing how many "x"s to put at the end of a text. Counting "x"s at the end of a text received. Getting upset when the flirtee puts less "x"s at the end of a text than you did.
3. Constantly checking your phone, awaiting the next missive from the e-flirtee. Getting irked when said e-flirtee does not respond within 20 minutes. What can possibly be more important than responding to you???
4. Turning the phone off and on again to ensure it's in good working order. Dialling his number from the office phone to check his phone is in good working order. And then hanging up.
5. Text winks. You don't wink in real life so don't wink by text.
6. The beeping of a received text while you are in a meeting unable to look at your phone. The subsequent build up of excitement until the meeting ends and you discover the text is from your mobile phone provider offering you a free cinema ticket for one. Even Orange appear to know the sad state of affairs that is your love life.
7. Scrabbling with the keys to peruse your sent items when you receive an provocative text at 8am apropos seemingly nothing. The subsequent feeling of doom in the pit of the stomach after discovering a text sent after too many pinot grigios. You didn't even know you knew that word.
8. One word responses to long flirtations that took several consultations with the dictionary to compile. Effort factor zero does not make you a hero.
9. Receiving the response "sorry who is this?" after swapping numbers on a Friday night. Call their bluff and send back "STD clinic. Pls call immediately".
10. Text harrassment from someone you met once and really should not have given your no to. Go away.
11. Accidentally pressing the call button mid-text and panicking as you try to end the call before he answers, kicking yourself that it will show as a missed call on his phone. Very uncool.
12. Dumping by text. Ouch.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
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