1. Complete lack of awareness of when a friendly text exchange morphs into e-flirting. Until it's too late and you find yourself trying to dream up a witty response to "well why don't you take your knickers off then."
2. Never knowing how many "x"s to put at the end of a text. Counting "x"s at the end of a text received. Getting upset when the flirtee puts less "x"s at the end of a text than you did.
3. Constantly checking your phone, awaiting the next missive from the e-flirtee. Getting irked when said e-flirtee does not respond within 20 minutes. What can possibly be more important than responding to you???
4. Turning the phone off and on again to ensure it's in good working order. Dialling his number from the office phone to check his phone is in good working order. And then hanging up.
5. Text winks. You don't wink in real life so don't wink by text.
6. The beeping of a received text while you are in a meeting unable to look at your phone. The subsequent build up of excitement until the meeting ends and you discover the text is from your mobile phone provider offering you a free cinema ticket for one. Even Orange appear to know the sad state of affairs that is your love life.
7. Scrabbling with the keys to peruse your sent items when you receive an provocative text at 8am apropos seemingly nothing. The subsequent feeling of doom in the pit of the stomach after discovering a text sent after too many pinot grigios. You didn't even know you knew that word.
8. One word responses to long flirtations that took several consultations with the dictionary to compile. Effort factor zero does not make you a hero.
9. Receiving the response "sorry who is this?" after swapping numbers on a Friday night. Call their bluff and send back "STD clinic. Pls call immediately".
10. Text harrassment from someone you met once and really should not have given your no to. Go away.
11. Accidentally pressing the call button mid-text and panicking as you try to end the call before he answers, kicking yourself that it will show as a missed call on his phone. Very uncool.
12. Dumping by text. Ouch.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
Things I hate about getting older...
1. Having to sit down to do up ones shoes. And then finding that they are on the wrong feet.
2. The first time you are referred to on the continent as Madame instead of Mademoiselle. Can you see a wedding ring???
3. Wrinkles that show the world how you slept last night and don't seem to want to disappear upon application of moisturiser you had to go on a waiting list and re-mortgage your house for.
4. Mortgage companies who refuse to lend you money for more than 15 years even though, according to the coalition, you will be wording for another 25.
5. Obsessive weighing and sinking heart when it is confirmed that you put on 2lb after eating one chip. The subsequent refusal of fat to shift, even after starving oneself for several hours.
6. Heartburn after eating anything remotely nice. The need to carry Gaviscon in your handbag.
7. Being unable to operate a computer without assistance from your 7 year old niece.
8. Forgetting where you put your car keys, just like your mum does. Leaving your house keys in the front door. Overnight.
9. Wicked grey hair that doubles the cost of your hairdressing bills and has a texture that increases your resemblance to Wurzel Gummidge day by day.
10. A growing preference for sensible shoes and similar evidence of your sudden and unashamed need to put comfort over style.
11. Consistently looking forward to going to bed at 10pm and the feeling of disappointment if a night out prevents you from achieving that.
12. Taking a sudden interest in bedding plants, bird feeders and other garden paraphernalia. Happily adding "weed the garden" to the weekend to do list.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
2. The first time you are referred to on the continent as Madame instead of Mademoiselle. Can you see a wedding ring???
3. Wrinkles that show the world how you slept last night and don't seem to want to disappear upon application of moisturiser you had to go on a waiting list and re-mortgage your house for.
4. Mortgage companies who refuse to lend you money for more than 15 years even though, according to the coalition, you will be wording for another 25.
5. Obsessive weighing and sinking heart when it is confirmed that you put on 2lb after eating one chip. The subsequent refusal of fat to shift, even after starving oneself for several hours.
6. Heartburn after eating anything remotely nice. The need to carry Gaviscon in your handbag.
7. Being unable to operate a computer without assistance from your 7 year old niece.
8. Forgetting where you put your car keys, just like your mum does. Leaving your house keys in the front door. Overnight.
9. Wicked grey hair that doubles the cost of your hairdressing bills and has a texture that increases your resemblance to Wurzel Gummidge day by day.
10. A growing preference for sensible shoes and similar evidence of your sudden and unashamed need to put comfort over style.
11. Consistently looking forward to going to bed at 10pm and the feeling of disappointment if a night out prevents you from achieving that.
12. Taking a sudden interest in bedding plants, bird feeders and other garden paraphernalia. Happily adding "weed the garden" to the weekend to do list.
© 2010 Wilma Kay
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)